


Bringing the Petunias

by orphan_account



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Blow Jobs, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-19
Updated: 2013-02-19
Packaged: 2017-11-29 21:31:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/691665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sherlock is back. Lestrade has a realization.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bringing the Petunias

John sat alone, hungry, in his flat. Sherlock had been gone for three years now, and John still hadn’t adjusted to living without him. He wished that there was a head in the fridge so that he could see it and it would turn his stomach enough that he wouldn’t be hungry any more. John realized that the real reason he wanted there to be a head in the fridge was because he was hungry for head, of which he hadn’t gotten much since Sherlock had died. Then Sherlock wasn’t dead anymore and they had sex and it was awesome. It was the best sex that they had ever had. It was the angriest sex that had ever angered sexfully.

Sherlock definitely had some bruises, as before the sex had happened, John had punched him a few times. It was really hot. Right at that moment, Lestrade walked into the flat holding flowers. He shouted as he walked up the stairs, “My mom has too many fucking petunias so I’m bringing some to you, Joh- HOLY SHIT WHY IS SHERLOCK HERE. WHY ARE YOU NAKED. What’s your dealio, daddy-o?” Sherlock’s cheekbones glared at Lestrade disapprovingly. John looked up, and said, “Can’t you see we’re having a moment?” Sherlock’s multicolored eyes gleamed with a brilliant fury that screamed at Lestrade, Hands off, bitch! Lestrade then threw the flowers at them and went to get a cake to congratulate them on the sex. 

Lestrade decided that he really enjoyed what he saw. I wonder which is the seme and which is the uke, he thought. He turned around and headed back to Baker Street to find out. Upon arriving for the second time, he greeted the pair with a flamboyant, “OHAYO, GOZAIMASUUUUUUUUU~”, despite the fact that it was well past noon. Lestrade then said, “Guys, witnessing how gay you are made me realize something about myself. I am actually…… ANIME!” “What’s a neymay,” John asked. Sherlock couldn’t answer because his mouth was full. If you know what I mean. So Sherlock decided to interject. Sherlock coughed, and said, “Lestrade, I never realized you were so kawaii.” Lestrade’s eyes lit up and began to sparkle with the power of a hundred million Edward Cullens.

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS A FUCKING JOKE.  
> A JOKEEEE.  
> /A JOKE./


End file.
